Wednesday, June 8, 2011

musings on life as it is right now

So I recently found out that two of my former high school classmates are engaged. I know some of my peers that are already married and have started a family. While everyone seems to have their life together, mine is all up in the air. How are people able to tie up their lives in neat little packages? They seem to know who they are going to marry, what job path they are going to follow, and an idea of where they want to live. I have no idea…about anything. ANYTHING. I thought I had it figured out, or at least I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. But I realize I  am now back at square one, for the most part anyway. I can’t see the end. It scares me. I don’t want to mess up anyone’s life because I don’t know what I am doing with mine. I feel like I have already done that and regret it. I am trying my hardest to walk the line of not hurting anyone and not hurting myself…which sometimes contradict each other. But in the process of trying to make everyone happy and doing what I THINK will make me happy, I am afraid I am making the biggest mistakes of my life…but can’t do anything about it. I am afraid one day I am going to wake up and see someone living the life that I wanted to live.

                                                          I don’t know how to stop this.

                                                           Cliché or not, this is my life. 

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